If you follow me on Instagram you would've seen my somewhat recent Majorca spamming, or perhaps you caught my 'How To Accessorise At The Beach' blog post. Each of these portrayed my Spanish adventure as fabulous and beautiful. However... it was all lies. While of course our surroundings were gorgeous, myself and Lucy Lu (best travel buddy) barely escaped alive! Yeah ok, I'm a bit dramatic but compared to some of our other more glam trips, this one was a distant, distant cry! So I thought if I shared each disastrous thing that occurred to us it might allow you to prevent yourself from similar tragic holiday faux pars. Or failing that it'll give you a good laugh! Nothing better than laughing at others misfortunes let's not lie!
The Boat Trip From Hell
Me and Luce had booked this cute glass bottomed boat online, where they'd set an idyllic scene- gorgeous views, relaxing waves and a chance to grab some food. Fab! Oh how wrong we were! After hopping onto the deck filled with optimism (and breakfast) we set sail. All started well enough, ignoring the fact that during our swim stop Lucy literally slipped and belly flopped off the edge, safe to say I nearly drowned with laughter. As we set sail again, the waves began... they came flying at us hard. We sat in dead silence trying to ignore the fact that we were probably gonna die, or at least loose that breakfast, all the while they blared this random David Bowie playlist in our ears and sent round professional photographers to capture our joy! Suddenly it was like everyone decided all at once they needed to throw up, it's just a shame there was ONE toilet on board. Basically after plenty of scurrying around I end up being sick off the side of this huge boat while Lucy stands naked (negatives of wearing a one-piece) in the toilet cubical getting flung from side to side. Eventually we reunited like Jack and Rose on the Titanic (but without the romantic love story and instead 2 pals stumbling along with sick in their beach waves) We decided to frantically jump ship at the next dock, completely unaware of where we were! We practically crawled to a cab then spent the next two hours in our hotel munching Lays to get over the whole ordeal, we still giggle about it now. So if you're planning a boat trip in Majorca maybe check the weather first!
The Very Hangry Coach Journey
After landing in a new country everyone gets that itch to get to where they're staying ASAP yeah? WELL Lucy Lu booked us a coach to our hotel which should've been fine. What she neglected to mention was that the journey would be OVER 2 HOURS LONG. So long that we even had to park up and swap coaches! This was during the evening, or better known as, dinner time... DINNER TIME. So we were hot, tired and most importantly I was hangry which meant poor Lucy had to whack away my aggressive slams like tennis balls while offering me fruity polos in replacement for the Spanish meal we'd been dreaming of. SORRY QUEEN. So if you've got the choice make sure you're situated near the airport, of failing that PACK SNACKS!
The Hotel? Well...They Tried!
We booked our trip to Majorca pretty last minute, while I was in the garage waiting for my car to be serviced! Basically our research was limited and our budget was small. So really it shouldn't have come as a surprise that the hotel was... well it was one step up from a third world country! The staff were optimistic bless them but our floors were wet from the broken air conditioning, the shower was so small I bruised my elbows on the walls trying to wash my hair and you could take a piss, brush your teeth at the same time! (NOT that we did!) But all wasn't lost since as Lucy kept pointing out the pillows did match the curtains... sort of! Oh and our complimentary breakfast? In a café across the road, a basket of bread! Couldn't stop giggling!
When It Rained It Poured
Since we were only in Majorca for 3 days, constant sunshine might've been some light on our dreary situation. BUT NAY. On our last day we set an alarm, got my beachy accessories on and headed out of our little disaster of a room. Only to find... rain, a monsoon of a downpour, but ever the optimist Luce insisted we head to the beach, lilo above us both for cover while she swam in a stormy sea, leaving me on a deserted, wet sad little beach. Hair was still wet on our plane home! So if the weather doesn't go to plan on your next trip have an INDOOR back up plan at the ready.
So that was our little disaster trip, everything that could've gone wrong did! But nonetheless we had such a laugh I'd change nothing about it, thanks again Luce for a less than fabulous adventure, where next?!
wooow this sounds tremendously terrifying!!
ReplyDelete